ellieliz and the no good horrible not nice very rotten bad bad day.

Last nite as I was poking around on facebook a bit, I came across a picture of my bestfriend of 15 years son. It was posted by her brother, she doesnt have facebook. she is yeshivish jewish which means shes extreley religious. I havent talked to her in a while, and though I had the creeping gut wrenching feeling that she was slowly edging all of her nonjewish relationships out of her life, I kept hope alive that I was special, and she would keep me. I am religious myself, but not jewish. And since we have been thru so much the past 15 years and her family always considered me family I thought maybe the reason she hasnt been calling, the reason she hasnt given me her neew phone number, address or emailed me in 7 months is becuase shes been busy. Well as I flipped thru his photos I saw one of him holding a baby girl. under it reead the caption "my neice". Did her other brother get married and have a baby? So I  instant message him and ask, did rivky have another baby? Yes! He replies. "she didnt even tell me she was pregnat" i quickly type. he simply replies, "time flies". If indeed that is all that could explain it. but it isnt. its a really crappy way to tell someone you have treated and thought of as a sister that you  no longer care for her. heart broken, heart sick  I break facebook connections with her husband, both her brothers and her fathers company. i cannot bear to be reminded. i quickly tell my husband who is far away and all he can do it send me hopes that I can overcome it. "i tell him that i wish i didnt care, but even as shes broken my heart along with the horrible pain i feel delighted and happy that shes had another baby.' He tells me its impossible for me to have apathy, and that is a good thing" ..."is it?" i retort.  he tells me that he hates to say it, but she wasnt thinking about my feelings. shes too involved in her new life. I lay awake most of the nite and toss and turn with bad dreams, when i finally forget and start dreaming about romantic vampires (watched twilight recently) im woken up by my happy children laying on both sides of me happy to start the day. I immediately remember why im so tired and my heart breaks again. but i do as i do every morning when i wake. i vow to not yell, i vow to not lose my patience, to treat my children as the blessings they are and be thankful for their faces. i vow to take care of all the things my loving God has put me in charge of.  I put a list of the things i need to do in my head, and then i get up and do them.  there is one other friend i have that is like a sister to me. i have not known her as long but she knows me well, and i her. she calls right after i wake. i dont feel like talking, but i answer the phone anyway and sure enough after a little bit i blurt out what rivky has done and how hurt i am. she gives me comfort. i am happy she called because it showed me someone cares, and im happy i answered becuase it was nice to talk to someone. im still cranky and off though. i get in the shower, the minute i set eves snack in front of her and ask talon to play nicely with her so that i can get a shower and wash my hair eve starts to cry. she doest allow me time to wash my hair but once the shower is off she is right there insisting to be held. clingy babe. she knows im off, so she will not leave my side. after the shower i get dressed and comb out my hair. everyday i think to myself that i need to start covering my hair. i even locate the scarfs i have in my head. but everyday wtih the business of my life i forget. i barely have time to comb out my hair and brush my teeth. i wash sheets, and make lunch for the kids and then we go outside to play sidewalk chalk and throw a ball around. eve and talon laughing and running around and nobody got hurt! after a while the sun and humidity got to me and talon needed to start his school work so we went inside, just as i open the door aurora flies out there.....run and grab her before she runs into the street, crisis averted. for now. i have to make the sandwhich bread so i sit talon down at the table to copy his lessons and go to start activating the yeast. eve is cranky and keeps climbing on the seat next to talon so she can be wtih him. i put her in her booster seat so she can be safer and hand her a crayon and a paper. she proceeds to draw long enough for me to add all the ingrediants in the bowl but then starts talking ot get down. i go and get her and she is tired and just wants me to hold her. so as im starting the mixer and pushing all the ingrediants towards the paddles with a wooden spatula a wet gooey piece of dough flies into my hair. as  im trying to get it out the wooden spatula is caught my the paddles and breaks in half and flies into the air likea  torpedo!  all becuase of my hair! signe from God? i immediately go, wash my hair out in the sink and tie it back and tie a scarf over my hair. i get the rest of the spatula out of the dough and start kneading it all the while eve is screaming and tugging at my shirt. as im kneading it i feel a sharp pink in my thumb. its a huge wooden splinter. i realise the dough is full of it. shoot! now i have to start over?! not a good day! i realise that im hugnry and need a snack and something to relieve the stress. i go to get a butterschotch krimpet and feel guilt. i then go to the frige and get one carrot for me and one carrot for eve. i take a bite of mine, she takes a bite of hers and then grabs mine and takes a bit of that too. then she throws them both on the floor. i pick them up, wash them off , and hand eve hers and set mine on the counter. i put all the ingrediants back into the mixer and start the mixer on low then turn it up a notch. sudddenly it starts to lift up and down like its talking to me and making funny noises. god help me my mixer is possessed! i pick up my carrot and take a bite out of it and immediately spit it out, i set it in spilled salt. yuck. i should have gone for the krimpet who eats a carrot to relieve pressure?
 i get it to the point where it needs to sit and rise and lay down with my darling eve who relieved to be rocked and nurse and bite into my delicious krimpet. im sending an S.O.S.  out to anyone out there who gets this. need help! How oh how am i going to be able to make it thru the rest of the week in this condition? im not even sure if im going ot make it thru this day? more later!