A stay at home mom of two navigating her way thru parenthood
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Liz of greener Pastors
Its been a while since I wrote. I guess Iv e been busy. Being a mom, keeping up with the house hold and homeschooling has me quite the busy bee. I love every minute of it. I have been learning more to embrace everything that comes with it and not to complain. My daughter tips over the water bowls and spreads cat food all over the floor? How cute, shes learning about her surroundings, My son turns his room apart building a fort to play in? How imaginative! The kitten tears to shreds all of the toilet paper rolls...well by golly shes a kitten and that is what they do! I don t look at anything that comes my way as extra chores or a bother. It is my life, the one I so wanted to live and to have and I appreciate everything. I really do have come to learn to love all that is my life. And I welcome anything into it. Cept still...outsiders... I still cant bring my heart to trust other people. My friend that let me go 6 months ago suddenly starts calling me again, out of the blue like nothing ever happened. I stayed guarded but happy for her return but now she is gone again...My other friend who just had another baby Ive been trying to reach out to, but cant seem to let my guard down with her either. I just cant understand why I am so disposable to everyone. Even my own mother at times, could take or leave me so easily. Only my husband and my children and my cats seem to really enjoy to be around me. I cant even go to the bathroom without them bursting thru the door to tell me whats on their mind. But friends. well...I know its my own doing, but I just cant trust anyone enough to truelly let them into my heart. I dont know how to. Ive been hurt before, and Im so dispoable to them it seems, I guess Ill never really have myself a real true bosom buddy as Anne of Green Gables would say. Or maybe its just not coordinated for me to have one. Even so, as I mostly am alone, I stay strong in my religious convictions. I know we are protected and guided by the true Coordinater of my life! This makes me know that when I need a friend, one will come. I guess for now I have all that I need right here, in this home....that I might say, might soon be our OWN. More details for that though, later. RIght now I have to knit this blanket Ive been working on while the baby naps ;) Have a nice day readers!
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:0) I think maybe there are two kinds of trust. There is the kind that is given because it is deserved by the person being trusted - they have earned the trust. So we do police checks on people or have them receive special training or else watch and wait to see how their behaviour checks out to know if we can trust them. But there is a completely different kind of trust also, that is not earned at all, and this was the sort of trusting we can see in the life of Jesus. Like He trusted Judas not because He was naive or stupid, but as His gift of love to Judas. And He trusted Peter who betrayed Him; I don't think He was disappointed in Peter, he knew exactly what Peter was like; but I guess He knew that without trust nothing can ever begin. In the same way God trusted us with this beautiful earth and with our precious children - us, the human race! And look what a mess we made! But He goes on entrusting the earth, and our children, into our hands. Coming closer to other people becomes more possible if we can find a way to creep inside a little nook of God's trusting love - like maybe into Jesus's wounded side. So our safety/security is in His kindness and steady love, not in the reliability of our friends. Sorry to comment at such length, only I have a similar problem/response about guardedness as you do, and this is what I have thought - only I'm not very good at it, a bit hit and miss! Miss, mostly :0)
ReplyDeletehi, i dont know why im just getting this comment now lol actually, after my recent heartbreak, i know why god is bringing this to my attention now. i needed this, thank you for your thoughtful words, i really apprecite it
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