BLOOPER THURSDAY

Eve enjoys pouring water into her sippy cup and closing the lid herself. So today when she asked to do it, I encouraged her to try on her own again. I'm not sure what happened but she ended up exploding the water on her face, down her dress, and onto the floor. She startled herself and began to cry, and went to run to me, and slipped and fell. I immediately picked her up and just as I did, Talon came running into the room to see why Eve was crying and fell right onto his tush as well. Eve feeling better, Talon and me all got a huge laugh at the scene! Eve did get more water and successfully got her sippy cup.

DISCLAIMER: There were no children harmed in the making of this blooper!

POETRY IN MOTION

"A Dream Deferred" by Langston Hughes  What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

I am currently reading a book about a woman who does not want children. She marrys a man who does not want children and then later on deciding he does, divorces her after she stands firm. She does not want children. Not judging those who do not want children, because that is their decision, their path in life. I just cant understand it, having always wanted children. When I was asked as a child, what I wanted to be when I grew up, I quickly responded "To be a mother". I also, wanted to be a mother of many kids. Id tell my mom, "Mommy, when I grow up Im going to have 12 kids!" in which she would reply " Well I hope you have the patience for them!" 
I also thought I knew what love was, being one of those, make love not war types, I was always quicker to love, then hate. But until I gave birth to my son, I realised that I had no freakin clue was love was, until then. Its like you are given the greatest gift. Like your heart is running around outside of your chest and anything bad happens to it you willl surely DIE. I cannot live without my kids, in fact just the thought of someone harming, kidnapping or anything bad happening to them crushes me.
I feel this way, yet I lose my patience with them all too much. I yell if my son does something I asked him not to do more then three times. I smacked his leg the other day for putting his feet in his sisters face like I asked him not to do, four times before that. Then I feel aweful.
I know I shoudnt lose it with him, no matter how many times I have to tell him something. He is just a child. I am the adult. I read all the books, hes not a special needs kid, but he has special needs. As all children do! He is strong willed, one minded. He gets his mind on something, he cannot stop himself from doing it whether Im telling him not to, or his father is. I have read all the ways to get him to understand, without yelling and hitting. Its hard to stop that cycle though! But I love him enough, I will. I love my daughter enough, I will.
A girl I know, a fellow mother, blogger, and children and baby advocate once wrote something I have felt and spoken for a while now,  " You only get the chance to be their mother once, to raise them up once, and they only get one childhood, make it a good one with peaceful and gentle parenting."
Your children did not ask to be born, neither did mine. They are however, Gods gift to us, given to us to raise up and care for, I will try to remind myself of this next time Talons painting the wall, or Eve is flinging hamster poo onto the floor :)

a quick tip to not lose patience : if the child does something he/she is not supposed to do, get down to their eye level, hold their hands gently and look into their eyes, it is impossible to yell or hit, when they are looking at you! then you can calmy explain to them what they are expected to do. :)

a day of rest

there is nothing quite like a  sunday afternoon of rest and relaxation. I spent the afternoon working on the quilt while the children played outside with daddy. all was well and i had a nice pace going until zoe got it in her head that the quilt was indeed very cozy.

 and decided to take a nap. and with a face this cute, how can i tell her no? besides, the person who im giving this too has cats and im sure she woudnt mind zoes donation.

and after a little while eve decided she wanted to help as well. her sweet little face barely seeing over the table was all the motivation i needed to finish sewing the back on to the front.  and  as ive mentioned before, i just love lazy sunday afternoons where i can sit and sew, quietly by myself. :)

 

 

utterly exhaustified

Its 7 oclock on a friday nite and both of my children are sleeping. Yes. I put my kids to bed early so that I can relax. Lets face it, we all do it sometimes. maybe more then sometimes. Today I felt I earned it. This week I washed about thirty loads of laundery, most of that diapers, changed the sheets on our bed three times. vacuumed atleast ten times, changed the hamsters cage twice, swept and mopped the floors dozens of times, wiped counter and table tops, made meals,cleaned up meals, whiped faces and tushies, dusted the furniture, washed the mirrors and windows, picked up toys, played with toys, picked up toys again, answered 300 questions from my always inquiring son and repeatedly lunged for my daughter before she toppeled off of (insert scarily high place she climbed here) directed talon with his school work and between the hours of 4 and 7 add one more highly energetic 5 year old boy to the mix. all of this without one teeny break.Bobs been out of town. for the most part the kids were in pretty god spirits and helped mommy out with alot of things. but towards the end of the week their usual sweet demeaners and eagerness to please was replaced with a vengeful disobediance as they ganged up on me and joined forces to , what it seemed like 'take me down'. i know its because they missed their daddy, maybe they thought if they formed a coup that i would give in and go down and get him myself? well whatever their thoughts and motivations were, im exhausted. i plan on spending this weekend in the tub with a do not disturb sign on the door and a cup of hot tea and good book. or perhaps ill go for a drive. or perhaps ...eh who am i kidding? we are going to go food shopping, run errands, and finish chores i didnt get to do during the week. but atleast ill have my hubby back, helping me do them all. i missed you. :)

the saving of the ugly window mirror

no we arent getting read for the zombie apocolypse! we are working together to refinish a window mirror we recieved for free a few months ago.

 the kids scraped and brushed off the paint.

before we  could finish it started to thunderstorm. so hopefully we will finish tomorrow.

the wind in my sails...knocked to oblivion

today was a bit better then yesterday.  Meaning I was bit busier so my mind wasnt a constant supply of pain and self doubt as it was yesterday. I keep thinking back on the years, everything we did together from the dawn of our friendship to the dusk. Thinking about how I could have changed something, did differently. Was I the only one innitiating it all along?  i know towards the end, when she called to say she wasnt coming to eves birthday that i asked her to call me again later. i had made up my mind that i wasnt going to keep bugging her, if she wanted to still be my friend she would call me. she kept saying she lost my number, and even though she acted happy to hear from me when i called her, it just wasnt convincing enough. i didnt want to make her feel like she had to be kind to me when she just wanted to be left to her family. so i decided id let her come to me. but was it like that all along? i know i always wanted to be with her. to me she was the greatest. she was smart, funny, and had the sweetest kindest heart ive ever seen someone have. for years we spent almost every day together. we were so close, she knew i was pregnat before i could tell her. i knew she was pregnat before she told me. we felt things. but was i just imagining it all?
maybe she was just being polite about it the whole time and the feeling wasnt mutual?
what could i have done to not matter. maybe 'advice' is right. i must have done something to offend her. but if i matttered enough she would have told me, so that i can fix it. after 15 years you would think, that as imperfect as i am, i always try hard to treat others right. im not the smartest person, but i do try, and id like to think that my heart is in the right place.
no matter where my thought process starts , it always ends with my esteem crushed and feeling like trash. i feel dirty and tainted.  i dont know how else to explain it.  i just want this pain to stop.  I want to stop feeling like im the devil.  please God build me up so that i can live again without the overwhelming self doubt and confused heart.